and just like that, goodbye san Francisco
It was a worthwhile 40-some dollars in tolls (and who knows how much in gas and time) to cross the Bay Bridge multiple times to move all of my belongings into a storage unit. I’m excited to begin this next chapter living out of a combination of AirBnBs, hotels, campsites, and couchsurfing—although I’ll admit that I’m feeling a bit in over my head already. It’s a strange feeling to plan to fly back to my home of the past two and a half years, having nowhere official to stay, and I’m grateful to my friends for letting me crash with them. My first leg of the trip begins after I collect my things in the morning; I’ll head off to stay with a friend close to Sacramento, then I’m in Carlsbad.
The last few weeks have been a whirlwind: I had a “living estate sale” out of my apartment where I sold off paintings, kitchen appliances, furniture, lamps, trinkets and more, then I turned around and loaded my 4Runner with my belongings for the passage under-then-over the Bay Bridge until I mostly filled out a 5x10 storage unit. The turnaround had been quick— I found some new tenants for my San Francisco apartment (with a lease originally set to end in November) slated to move July 1st. This was partially a self-imposed timeline, but one that I felt was necessary: I needed to leave the city and start traveling, making the most of my remote situation as much as possible.
I felt that San Francisco had run its course. I’m writing something long-form about why I’m leaving the city, but the long and short of it is that I felt it had little more to offer me for the amount of time that I’ve spent there. Perhaps that’s not true—San Francisco actually has too much to offer in the sense that you’re always running from café to park to beach to dive bar. It’s a great life in San Francisco, just not the life I want, so I’m eager to explore some new options. I figured that I might as well pivot as soon as I know that the situation isn’t working out for me, and I had no hard ties to San Francisco itself. The plan is now to work remotely and explore the West until I find something more compelling.
Still, the timing is crunched and I’m feeling the pressure—I didn’t make it any easier on myself by choosing to move out of my apartment, fly to Seattle, then fly from Seattle to New York, where I got three new tattoos. I now am flying back to San Francisco with a few fresh wounds to tend to, making camping improbable for the lack of shower access. Fortunately, tender care of tattoos is a temporary condition which I hope to overcome in the next few weeks. I hope to commit to the tail-end of summer with lake-splashing and beach-going.
I had the thought that this situation is a bit overwhelming, but I think it’s right at the limit of my comfort zone. I’m eager to get back into situations which scare me and prompt growth—much of the last year has been filled with new experiences, but I’ve often felt stagnant. Still, I am feeling fortunate to have made some serious strides in my amateur-to-professional art career. I was able to do a self-started art curation at a cafe on Market and Church, fitting Duke’s paintings in the space. I hosted an event which combines my passions of exercise and painting at Studio45 called Flex and Paint—I learned about live performance, event logistics, and art sales. I tinkered with ceramics and made functional pieces which brought me joy.
I’ve been continuing to read about personal development and I’m exploring other aspects of my personality which might lead me to greater success and alignment with my passions. I’m trying to make some changes in my career to learn more about sales and interacting with customers directly, as I’ve been in a backend software role hidden away from customers for most of my time at Aurora. I’ve started to get a NASM personal training certification so I can offer classes or routines for fitness or rock climbing, two things which I already do at an amateur level. I’m hoping that all of these changes combine to offer new paths.
Stocked in my backpack are three books that I’m currently reading: Choose Possibility by Sukhinder Singh Cassidy, The Daily Laws by Robert Greene, and Killing Commendatore by Haruki Murakami. In Killing Commendatore, the main character makes a sharp decision to hole himself up in a house of a late painter, hoping to detach himself from a divorce. In Choose Possibility, Cassidy talks about the myth of single choice and how our viewpoint on risk is often misguided, made to seem grander than it actually is. The Daily Laws has a lot to say about choosing to work on your Life’s Task, and it’s too much to recount here—all I can say is that the three books are motivating in the sense of making some hard choices to pick up something new and be curious about what you’ll find.
